One Day At A Time
I’ve always been pretty open about who I am and what I do. I have no problem talking about my alcoholism for example because it’s my hope that someone who needs to read it will find it. I’ll be celebrating 20 years of sobriety this October. If you would have told me back in 1989 that I could have a life like this today, I probably wouldn’t have believed you. That’s not to say that my life doesn’t have it’s challenges, but I’m much better equipped to not only handle but overcome any obstacles that come my way.
I ended up having oral surgery this week to remove a cracked tooth that became infected. My rear molar split open some time ago and I never went to the dentist to have it removed because I have a gag reflex that prohibits me from manning up and going. A trip to the dentist would also include a lecture about a nasty habit that I’ve only been “thinking about” quitting, chewing tobacco.
We all have our vices, and some are more destructive than others. Alcohol for example can not only kill you, but used in combination with a motor vehicle can kill others. Compare that to the struggles YTB critics have with their obsession over the damage our model (as well as myself I was recently told) does to “their industry”. You quickly realize the daily ramblings are used as an excuse to protect only themselves.
Thus the the two vices or addictions are quickly put into proper perspective. For the critics who are quick to proclaim that what they do isn’t an addiction, ask them to put YTB down for a day, or even better a week and then come back and tell me it’s not an addiction.
I’ve heard that tobacco is one of the hardest habits to actually break. After that last couple of days, I would concur. It’s been a habit of mine since I was 15 years of age. What’s so odd to me is that when I first picked it up, I hated it. It made me dizzy and sick to my stomach. But that’s what pear pressure will do, especially when it proves to the world that you’re not the angel that everyone expects you to be. As a PK (Preachers Kid, which I also refer to as T.O. for “Theological Offspring”) I never felt as if I fit in with my pears because “God” got in the way. In order to prove that I wasn’t the goody two shoes everyone expected me to be, I ended up drinking, drugging, and chewing not only to fit in, but prove everyone wrong.
Being unique and standing up for my own beliefs and values came a little later in life. While there are some who need me to conform to their way of thinking, there’s very little value in following those who still believe fitting in is more important than following your own heart.
Fortunately for me, the drinking and drugging only took about a decade before I had enough and made the choice to do something about it. My bottom however, was nothing compared to some of depths others needed to go through in order to wake up. I never lost a fraction of what others did. Still, it was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to overcome in my life. I was a functioning alcoholic and drank from the time I threw up in the morning from my first swig to calm my nerves to the time I passed out at night.
It’s ironic to me how drugs for my extraction have enabled me to get some space between myself and tobacco. Now that I’ve weaned off the drugs because there hasn’t been any pain to speak of due to the extraction, life without tobacco has gotten a bit more challenging. As each day, sometimes each hour or minute goes by, it does get a little easier and I begin to heal in more ways than one.
Nobody likes to talk about weakness or struggle, unless they can point it in the other direction. To take responsibility and figure out that that one finger pointing at others has three fingers pointing back at you is not only humbling but revealing. To struggle and overcome a challenge such as drugs, alcohol, tobacco, or finances can and will provide tools to overcome other apparent obstacles in life. What others are quick to point out as weakness are in fact the very things that prepare you for other challenges that are indeed far less significant. A blip on the radar that only comes to light because others are searching for it to take the focus off themselves and cast the light on you.
I still have a scar on my hand that I really haven’t looked at for some time. It came one night when I was drunk and attempted to board a moving trolley. I don’t recall much of that night and still wonder how close I was to death. My hand had to be lanced, which produced a large, gapping hole that had to heal from the inside out. While I began to heal from my alcoholism in rehab, I was healing from this wound at the same time. The lesson I learned from both experiences was that healing and change comes from within.
The scar will always be there, just like my alcoholism. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about being a recovering alcoholic, but the desire to pick up a drink hasn’t hit me in I don’t know how long. I’ve learned to overcome and I now control it instead of it controlling me. By admitting I was powerless, I ended up gaining all the power I needed to kick it to the curb.
Some get that, and some don’t. I think the ones who don’t are too afraid of what they might find if they look in the mirror. It can be a pretty ugly and embarrassing if it were known to the public.
Me, I look at it as a possilbe lesson to others who at some point in time may need it when their finally ready to man up and take responsibility. It’s really easy if you stop projecting what might happen in the future, or worrying about what happend in the past, and just deal with it one day at a time.
Yesterday is gone, and tomorrow never comes. But today is a gift.
That’s why they call it the present.
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Tags: Personal Developement
